I realized this today at school talking to Kristen, the other language assistant in Casariche, and I couldn't believe it. She's just graduated this past summer. We get along wonderfully, I'm so happy to have and American connection here (more about that later). Anyway, for the most part I feel as though we are 100% peers, but there are moments when I think: wow, I remember that place. That's when I start to feel old.
This was one of those moments.
She's almost in the exact same situation as I was four years ago: trying to decide what to Do with her life. Yeah, the capital D is intentional. We talk about it a bit between screaming Spanish kids who can't seem to be still or quiet for a thirty min. much less a full hour (!). She's juggling different ideas, and I suppose it's worth thinking about and processing exactly how what she says resonates/impacts me.
The first conversation of this kind was way back in October, and I remember sharing my semi-Spanish philosophy, that the important thing is to be happy where one is. I've always felt pressured by others to DO something, to BE someone, and yet many times in my life I have found myself caught between those societal pressures and an inner desire to do something else.
I remember in High School I was enamored of the idea of 'wandering'. I was set to pack up my back pack and head out into the world after graduation... Those of you who know me are wondering, "really? alone?". No, I had a partner picked out, but those of you who know me also know that, for better or worse, those plans fell through.
After H.S. it was off to college, where I was once again attacked by the stress of feeling a need to declare a purpose in my life (manifested in a major). My love-hate relationship with majors is a novel in itself (ha! just ask my advisors...). And although on a certain level I did and still do want that elusive Purpose, coming to Spain helped me put things into perspective.
I have been here for four years now and studied here for my Jr. year at University (Britisism...hehe). So that's five years total. Although eventually I did fall in love with someone here, originally, I fell in love with this place and this lifestyle. Probably realistically, I didn't realize to what extent my personal philosophy fit with the Andalusians' my first year in Granada; but all the same, there was something here that called me back...And here I am.
Being in Spain has clarified a few things for me: work to live, don't live to work. And while I know a lot of my American friends agree and perhaps attest to living by the same philosophy, I beg to differ. First of all, it's hard to do in a country that only allows two weeks vacation a year. And secondly, there's nothing in the U.S. to compare to the way people here "live" in the streets. My friends would have to be near death not to go out for their cervecita. And I don't just mean a beer on Saturday afternoon. I'm talking about minimum, Fri-Sun and that's mid-day AND evening/night...or possibly, from about 12-12. ;)
So now you're all thinking, "So Viola left the US because she identifies with alcoholic Spaniards!?" No. That is not the case. I'm simply using an example to demonstrate how seriously Spaniards (Andalusians) take enjoying life--granted that that can be defined VERY differently for every individual.
I suppose what I really mean is that I don't hear young people fretting about what they're "doing" with their lives here. Of course, that's both good and bad. They're more relaxed, enjoying life, living the moment...blah, blah, blah; but at the same time you could say they're unmotivated, settling for less than they deserve, etc. However, it's the idea that we've got one life to live, there are no second chances and the only thing that really matters is enjoying what we've got. That is to say that work is great, and necessary, etc., but when it starts to inhibit your ability to enjoy the things you really love, or take time away from your time with friends and family, it's not worth it.
So this is more or less what I related to Kristen in our first conversation. Since then, although my opinion hasn't changed radically, listening to Kristen talk about her quest for direction in life, makes me wonder (yet again) about my own direction and purpose. On the one hand, I still feel that nagging, American need for direction, and on the other, I'm incredibly glad (when I listen to her) that I'm beyond, sort of, that phase in my life.
Okay, I think this is a sufficiently long post for the day. I'll continue ruminating later.
besitos to all
Ready or not, some day it will all come to an end. There will be no more sunrises, no minutes, hours or days. All the things you collected, whether treasured or forgotten, will pass to someone else. Your wealth, fame, and temporal power will shrivel to irrelevance. It will not matter what you owned or what you were owed. Your grudges, resentments, frustrations, and jealousies will finally disappear. So too your hopes, ambitions, plans and to-do lists will expire. The wins and losses that once seemed so important will fade away. It won't matter where you came from or what side of the tracks you lived on at the end. It won't matter whether you were beautiful or brilliant. Even your gender or skin color will be irrelevant. So what will matter? How will the value of your days be measured? What will matter is not what you bought, but what you built. Not what you got, but what you gave. What will matter is not your success, but your significance. What will matter is not what you learned, but what you taught. What will matter is every act of integrity, compassion, courage, or sacrifice that enriched, empowered, or encouraged others to emulate your example. What will matter is not your competence, but your character. What will matter is not how many people you knew, but how many will feel a lasting loss when you are gone. What will matter is not your memories, but the memories that live in those who loved you. What will matter is how long you will be remembered, by whom, and for what. Living a life that matters doesn't happen by accident. It's not a matter of circumstance, but of choice. Choose a life that matters. Micheal Josephson
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