Secure Attachment

One of my elective classes this semester is "Intelligence and Emotional Education" (Educación de la inteligencia y la afectividad). We've looked at different theories of intelligence, among them Gardner's famous "multiple intelligence" theory, and we've also discussed feelings, emotions and values education.

It's an interesting class, though at times it seems it gets a little too touchy-feely to be very "scientific." In any case I think what we're learning really is important, especially in a world where it seems more and more parents are leaving education (in all senses of the word) to schools and teachers. Knowing how to effectively channel a child's emotions and passions in school is key not only to motivation, but in helping them develop as people and in the future be successful members of society.

This week's reading was about attachment theory. Those of you who haven't studied child development or psychology might be wondering what on Earth that is! Basically it's a theory to describe human relationships based principally on our first social interactions: infant and mother/caregiver.

"Psychologist John Bowlby was the first attachment theorist, describing attachment as a "lasting psychological connectedness between human beings" (Bowlby, 1969, p. 194). Bowlby believed that the earliest bonds formed by children with their caregivers have a tremendous impact that continues throughout life." (http://psychology.about.com/od/loveandattraction/a/attachment01.htm)

Mary Ainsworth expanded on Bowlby's work using the "Strange Situation" study, in which young children where put in a strange environment with, then without their caregiver and observed. Based on her observations she described three different styles of attachment: secure attachment, ambivalent-insecure attachment, and avoidant-insecure attachment.

Of course in class we're learning about how to use this knowledge of attachment theory to be able to recognize behavioral patterns in students and provide them with the proper environment to experience secure attachment with their teachers, giving them a solid base for future relationships if their parental attachment is less than ideal.

It's all quite interesting. Sometimes I think what I really like about teaching is the psychology involved in it! In any case, I can't help learning about these theories without comparing with my own childhood and marveling at the wonderful job my parents did of providing me (and my sisters) with that secure attachment.

I was reading an email from my mom shortly after my class and she related my sister Lucy's experience at Sonoma State Freshman Orientation this past weekend. :) And as I read about the sweet text that she sent my mom in the midst of it: "This is scary, mommy!" I couldn't help but be proud of what an amazing mother I (we) have.

One of the principal indicators of a secure attachment is that the child when placed in a new environment with his/her caregiver explores the surroundings. A child with insecure attachment doesn't trust that his/her caregiver will be there as support or for protection and therefore they rarely leave their mother's side. However, a child with secure attachment knows that his/her caregiver is there to protect, guide and support him or her and so has the confidence to leave them and explore.

My sisters and I aren't babies any more, but I haven't a doubt in my mind that I would never have gotten on a plane to fly across the Atlantic at the age of ten to visit family friends I'd never met if I hadn't had absolute faith in my mother's (and father's) unending love, support and protection. Nor would I have ventured to leave the country for a second time on my study abroad or to return later as a Language Assistant... much less choose to live in a foreign country.

But I am not the only one: Maggie has spent a whole year in Belgium, a country whose language she couldn't speak before she left home; and now little Lu who's always been more of a homebody is growing up so fast she insisted on driving herself to Chico for her college placement exams.

It came up in class today whether or not this kind of independent, assured behavior isn't also a part of personality. The professor conceded that of course there could be personalities that have more of a predisposition toward certain attachments, but that in general any personality, when provided with a loving, secure environment develops a secure attachment to a greater or lesser degree.

The real trick is in providing a balance of independence and protection: allowing a child to learn on his/her own without abandoning them, and at the same time providing security and protection without smothering their self-confidence. It's a fine line.

I know that my mom sometimes wonders how she got such an independent daughter...

Look in the mirror, mom.

Thank you. I love you.