The Barkley Family

Okay...Back to the U.S. for a post:

The big Nevada sky welcomed us with a beautiful sunset.

After our blitz visit in Philly, we made our way West for Emily Alejandra's big debut with the family.  My parents picked us up in Reno with their new toy--a fifth wheel trailer--and we headed to Carson City to spend the night.  The next day was a destination luncheon with most of my mom's family in Virginia City.  We were riding an old steam engine train from Carson to Virginia City for lunch with the family and a brief tourist visit.  Instead of driving the hour from Reno to our house and then getting up at 5am to drive two hours back down to Carson City, we opted to camp at the train station.  As it turns out, since Emily was now on Philadelphia time, we were up at 5 am anyway, but it was nice to be able to relax in the trailer instead of jumping back in the car.  Even after three days, we were still totally exhausted from all the travel and cutting back on driving became a priority that would dictate the rest of our vacation.  

The train ride was a big hit.  About half of the family rode with us and we met the other half at the restaurant in Virginia City.  The ride was about an hour, we weren't moving too quickly; it was fun to think about what it must have been like back in the day when this iron horse was the fastest means of transportation.  I tried to imagine a cross country train trip with a steam engine.

The only very unpleasant thing about the ride were the tunnels!  It was a hot day so we all had our windows open, of course, and going through the tunnels we were forced to breathe the train's nasty exhaust.  Once again, I thought about some of those long tunnels on the railroad through the Sierras--not fun.

Virginia City was fun, though we really only had time for lunch so I should say it was fun to eat with the whole family.  There were many, many cousins of all ages, some of whom I had maybe only ever seen once or twice in my life.  And my dad's aunt and uncle came over from Tahoe to join us, too.  It was great to be all together, especially to be able to show off our newest member to the Barkely clan. ;)

I don't know how it got by us, but somehow we forgot to get a picture of the whole group!  Anyway, I'll leave you with some choice photos from the day:

Our ride to and from Virginia City.

...All aboard!...

Auntie Maggie...

and Auntie Lucy, too!

Emily really hit it off with cousin Brendan.  This was just the beginning.

A game of checkers post-lunch.

Wild Mustangs on the way back to Carson City.

Emily getting her lunch, too. ;)

My mom stood in for this picture of four generations of Gutry women (my dad has no sisters...)

Breast-feeding--My Humble Opinion

A friend posted this article on her facebook wall the other day and I felt the need to respond; however, since then I've been mulling over this subject and it seemed like getting it out in a blog was the thing to do.  

First off, I do not like this article much. While I agree with the basic premiss: women should not be made to feel guilty for formula feeding their children. No mother (or father, for that matter) should be judged for their parenting-style choices (with the exception of abuse, of course) beacause as they say in Spanish, every family es un mundo. Only each individual family knows what choices, breast-feeding or formula feeding will work best for their children and lifestyle. No one woman should feel guilty or be made to feel as though she somehow loves her child less for choosing formula over the breast.

For me, breast-feeding is equivalent to cooking a really labor-intensive, gourmet meal for someone I love. Formula feeding would be equivalent to taking someone I love out to a very nice, gourmet restaurant. There is a great ammount of pride and pleasure that goes into breast-feeding just as there is when I spend all morning in the kitchen concocting something delicious that I know my loved ones will delight in. The food at a great, gourmet restaurant isn't bad, nor is it un-nutritious (in fact, they may use even better ingredients than I do in my cooking!), but it's not the same eating from someone else's kitchen. It's not the same eating food that you know was made just with you in mind, exactly how you like it; even if you can have the choice of ordering to your taste when you go out.

As a breast-feeding proponent, I am probably guilty of the kind of attitude of moral superiority that this article mentions. Breast-feeding has been and continues to be wonderful for me, for my baby and for our family. I so enjoy the moments when I am forced to set aside whatever it is I am doing to simply tend to my baby. Nursing Emily relaxes me. When I can allow myself a nap, I easily drift off with her on the breast; and when I can't, I enjoy a few moments of calm before I have to get back to the chores of my daily life. I have never intentionally been condescending towards mothers who formula feed, and if I make comments or suggestions about how to successfully nurse it is only because I find so much pleasure and joy in the intimate sharing that goes on between me and my baby that I think every mother should take full advantage of this biological miracle, too.

Nonetheless, as I have said, I do not like this article. To begin with, I do not see why an obstetrician is the best qualified to discuss infant nutrition. Yes, she is a doctor, but her field is concerned with women's health, not baby health. For a woman there are a lot of societal, psychological, emotional, etc. stressors that can make breast-feeding hard or impossible, but that doesn't mean that breastmilk is still a baby's best option. She claims the difference between breastmilk and formula is "trivial"--I strongly disagree. In my opinion, the immunoglobulin in breastmilk do not constitute a "trivial" difference from infant formula. Of course breastfed babies can and will get sick, but it is just as true that the defenses that a mother can transmit to her child through breastmilk are an important part of immune development for the future regarding allergies, asthma, and other pathogens, not merely a way of avoiding a few ear infections or a bout or two of diarrhea, as the author suggests.

And another key part of the article that doesn't sit right with me is the assuption that the choice to breast-feed comes down to a difference in nutritional value. Honestly, the fact that breastmilk is the best food for my baby is just a bonus to a whole slew of other (perhaps more important) reasons why I breast-feed. All loving mothers will bond with their children and granted that a bottle allows dad (or other caretakers) the chance to bond during feeding, I still cannot believe that it's really the same coming from a bottle--even if you choose to bottle-feed your milk! The feel of the breast, mother's arms, her warm lap, the smell of her and the feel of her skin...It's a sensory overload of love. 

I must recognize, however, that my not working has made all the difference in the success of my breat-feeding experience. Mothers who work outside the home have the cards stacked against them. While in the States I was discussing breast-feeding with a friend who is also a first-time mom to a now 14-month-old. He had just recently weened when I was there and she expressed her relief at not having to breast-feed any longer. I was shocked and saddend to hear her this, but as our conversation went on, I came to understand her perspective. She works full time. She had six weeks maternity leave and then was back at work pumping as much as possible to keep production up and be able to still feed her little one breastmilk. She confided in me that if formula had equivalent nutrirional properties to breastmilk, she would have formula fed in a heartbeat. 

Here I think it's important to point out that one of the greatest enemies of milk production is stress. Does my friend's situation sound stressful? The article mentions that not all women are able to produce as much milk as their babies need to eat, and cites that 5% of women are unable to produce the quantity of milk needed to keep their infants at a healthy weight. I am not here to check sources, but I think we should consider the posibility that this statistic is slanted:  I suspect that the number of women who cannot meet their babies nutritional demands would likely drop even more still (I don't think 5% is as significant as this author seems to), if they were freed from unnecessary stressors. Having a new baby is stress enough, if you add work worries to the mix and then concerns about being able to pump enough (by the way, pumping doesn't stimulate the breast as effectively as the baby does and so pumping itself can endanger production), it's a wonder that any mother is able to balance work and breast-feeding! 

While we're on the subject, pumping is a pain. I am only just now becoming familiar with it since I've started a new job (more soon), but I can assure you there is nothing magical about sitting around with a machine noisily extracting milk from your mammory glands. I cannot imagine pumping from work, much less doing it practically around the clock for nearly a year straight as my friend did. Of course, on the weekend or early morning and evenings she could "really" breast-feed; but when the family would go out somewhere, she prefered most times to take a bottle because she found it rather uncomfortable to pull up her shirt in public. She virtually bottle-fed her son breastmilk for his "benefit".  

I say "benefit" here because it's tricky to define what's best for a child. A mother transmits her emotions to her newborn. When she is nervous, the child senses that and when she is stressed, that too is felt. If breast-feeding is or becomes too stressful for a mother, does it counteract the breastmilk's nutritional superiority? It's not such an easy question. In any case, my hat's off to my friend for such dedication. I'm not sure I could have done that. It's a lot more of a sacrifice to do what she did then to simply pop a breast in the kid's mouth whenever s/he asks for it. 

Hearing her experience deeply saddened me because I know she is not alone; many women have similar stories. And I believe that celebrating breastfeeding week is exactly the kind of thing that needs to happen to make society in general aware of the importance of changing views towards breastfeeding. I don't think this because I consider formula babies to be malnourished or loved less, and I am very sorry that this seems to be precisely the message that many formula feeding mothers get.  By breastfeeding awareness I do not mean simply extolling the nutritional benefits of breastmilk (though they are far from "trivial", as I have said); rather I think we need to prioritize and give full importance to a mother's unique role in child-rearing. That means prioritizing the posibility to breast-feed her children in the working world. I'm talking primarily about giving more maternity leave (even if a woman chooses to formula feed, time with her new baby is critical for bonding). Making it easier or more comfortable to pump from work--specific time allowed for pumping and/or comfortable place to do it--is also essential. I know that the work conditions vary from job to job, but in general I think most of them can be improved when it comes to a working mother's rights.  

Breastfeeding awareness should be a revindication of the woman's fundamental role in the family. Formula (and breast pumps) have made working outside the home possible for many mothers, but that doesn't mean that these two rolls have been assumed without consequences for the family. I think that in a truly modern society we should be able to find a more equal balance for women and families in this respect. Pretending that feminism and women's liberation lies only in her ability to contribute to the workforce in an equal manner to her male counterparts is equivalent to cutting off your nose to spite your face (pardon the clichéd expression).  

Denying the imperative role of the mother in family is denying her very womanhood.  In our facts and figures society, it too often comes down to the statistics: breastfed babies show X fewer cases of Y disease; formula fed babies are twice as likely to suffer Z as their breastfed peers. But I want to make a call for us to throw aside the science and the "benefits" for just a minute to be able to revel in the amazing capacity of the female body to care for her child. Can we, if only for a minute, push aside the hustle and bustle of our day-to-day and just marvel as we watch our growing infants' eyes roll back in their heads in extasy as they take that first long draw on the breast? Can we slow down just enough to admire their small jaws working up and down taking in our liquid love; and cherish the beauty of their small faces as they finally release, with milk dripping from pursed lips, completely sated? If we do this, is there anyone who can resist the thought that female body is truly magical?

I don't mean to say that women who choose not to have children are somehow less womanly than those who have become mothers, or that single-parent families, or families with two fathers are lacking in something fundamental and are less important; but I do believe that if we are going to respect personal choices and prioritize family in our society, we cannot ignore the role that a woman can play in her family, and societal pressures, explicit or otherwise, shouldn't interfere with that. The article claims breast or formula feeding is a personal choice concerning a woman's freedom and each family's lifestyle. I agree; however, I do not think that the problem lies in a simple question of the food we feed our infants, but rather the deeper issue of how we have come to view maternity and child-rearing in general.  Therefore, perhaps it is not so aptly named, but I believe that breastfeeeding awareness week is something at the very heart of feminism and women's liberation itself, and it concerns ALL women, not just those who choose to breast-feed.

Back to the Beginning

Our first day out with our tour guide.

 With my studies out of the way, a little bit of back-blogging is in order. ;)  As most of you know, Emily and I were in the States from the end of June through mid-July.  Angelines and a friend's daughter were there for the first two weeks and then Em and I were on our own for about ten days.

Our trip was mostly family oriented.  Having a baby means there are a lot of people who want to see "us" (really her).  Not that I mind.  I am of course, the number one fan of showing off my most adorable daughter. :)

However, we did begin our trip with some (mostly) pure tourism--Philadelphia.  I say "mostly" because, of course, although Independance Hall and the Liberty Bell are alluring attractions, my dear friend, Miriam is, much more so.  Our plan was to visit Miss M. and make a more gradual adjustment to the time difference.  As it turns out, thinking that a stop on the East Coast would lessen our jet-lag was a huge error; we managed to extend it by at least three or four days.  Travelling with a baby means jet-lag like no other.  Adults will lie in bed in a half-sleep until a semi-decent hour to get up...but Emily was up and babbling at 8am Spain time: 3:00am Eastern Standard.

All of this means we ended our days in the nation's first capital completely wiped out by 6pm.  Still, we were able to see some of the city and of course Miriam's company was enjoyed to it's fullest.  And although things got off to a rough start--our friend's daughter lost her bag!--we did manage to see the most important emblems of the city, visit a ship festival on the Delaware river, enjoy an Israli dinner, eat fresh-baked bagels and stroll along the Schuylkill waterfront.

It was a brief visit, but we enjoyed as much as sleep deprivation would allow.  After just three days we said our good byes and headed West.

Can you tell her dress is red, white and blue for her visit to Independance Hall?

Liberty Bell and Independance Hall in the background.

TFG

That stands for Trabajo Fin de Grado--my final project to obtain my Education degree here in Spain.  I am done.  100%.  I turned in my paper before our trip to the States (more on that in future blogs; I promise!) and yesterday was the defense.  I'll cut to the chase and give you details in a minute: the panel really enjoyed my presentation and my paper/proposal.  They gave me a 9.1 out of 10 which ammounts to the highest grade posible: sobresaliente. :)  I was on cloud nine.  It felt great to be done, but to go out with such a bang was icing on the cake.

The panel is made up of two professors from the UNIR (my university) and one professor invited from another Spanish university.  Since this is just a four-year degree more or less equivalent to a Bachelor's the defense is pretty minimal.  My presentation could be no more than 15 minutes and then an additional fifteen minutes or so for the panel to ask questions about my paper.

I was the very last presenter of the day.  They'd been at it since 9am with two hours for lunch.  My presentation was at 7:30pm.  I was nervous about being last because I know what it's like to be in that kind of situation where you're expected to be paying close attention for hours on end.  I was sure that come time for my presentation, the panel would be more than ready to be done, and I'd have to really work to keep their attention.

When I walked in the room, I immediately recognized one of the men--the president of the university!  As it turns out, he is also a specialist in Personalized Education (a key part of my paper: *gulp*).  Before I began, another member of the panel introduced herself as being a specialist in photography!  All of this was apparently coincidence, since the panel members have no control over the papers they read/grade.  I was just a bit nervous going into it knowing that there were two experts in my specific area watching and listening to what I had to say.

All went well.  I actually felt quite calm during the presentation, and I'm sure that came across.  They got a huge kick out of my Andalusian accent, and specifically complemented me on my level of fluency. ;)  More importantly, however, they were very impressed by my paper and genuinely interested in what I had to say.  I think we went over time with the question answer period because there was just so much to comment on and talk about.  Really, we could have continued all evening.

Once they had confered about my grade and called me back into the room to tell me, they ended by encouraging me to please consider continuing with this line of study in a Masters or Doctorate program because they thought I had really hit upon something original, cutting-edge and nonetheless sadly under-developed in the field of education. I was quite flattered to say the least.

So now I'm done.

In many ways this degree has been more important to me than my studies in the U.S.  I did my Bachelor's in the States almost out of intertia.  Not that I didn't enjoy it or think it was important, but I was too young (I think) to really know what I would do with my degree or even how it would influence my future.  I knew it was important, but that was about it.

This time, I made a concious decision to go back to school because I needed my degree in Education to continue doing what I've discovered that I love--teaching.  This degree has been very closely related to my life and work since I began five years ago and it hasn't always been easy to maintain motivation or find time to work between other life events.  The fact that I have finished despite it all, and especially getting such a great grade, honestly make me very proud of myself.

As I left the building, I had the sensation of watching myself. I felt so grown up, so professional in my dress clothes and glowing from an exhilirating discussion with doctors in my field of work--I couldn't believe the woman I was seeing was me!  Little Viola from PHS, standing in Madrid, Spain after having finished her second univerity degree, this time with a family and work in mix (!?¡).  It was a wonderful, but strange feeling.  Apparently I'm an adult.

Piggy Playtime

Just a cute video to share.  I don't know why the focus was going in and out...darn camera.  Emily wasn't really interested in her pig, but she's so darn cute, I wanted to share the video anyway.  I just love how she sits by herself--such a big girl!

Discovering Spaghetti!

...And here's the video. :)  Hope you like it as much as Em likes spaghetti! ;)

The Dirtiest Diaper

So some of you know that we have begun cloth diapering.  Emily has extremely sensitive skin and so we have switched over to cloth in hopes that the lack of chemicals and bleaches in disposable diapers would clear up her chronic diaper rash.  I made the purchase on Amazon--the cheapest diapers I could find at about 6 bucks a piece.  I bought twelve and since for some silly reason they wouldn't ship to Spain, my mom brought them to me when she came.  So it's been about a month and a half with the cloth diapers and so far so good.  I wish I could say they worked miracles and her diaper rash went away for good, but alas, that isn't so.  We still struggle with a pretty nasty rash although for nearly a week now her little bottom is looking better than ever--not even a red spot!

Anyway, it's been a month and a half of diaper washing for me.  Being nearly 100% breastfed still, her diapers are pretty easy to wash and not really even too stinky.  I liken it to when your dog licks you: you don't mind, 'cause it's your dog...but someone else's dog kinda grosses you out.  Same with poop, it turns out.  I don't really mind washing her diapers, but I'm sure most of you can't even stand the thought! ;)

Spaghetti selfie! Bon appetit!

Things have become interesting on the diaper front since we've begun introducing solid foods.  And by solid I mean actually solid.  We are not giving Emily blended baby foods at all.  She eats what we eat, or a version of what we eat.  The interesting thing is that it seems as though nearly all of what she eats passes through unchanged!  I find bits of carrot, pepper, tomato, etc. in her diapers daily and I am amazed that her little digestive system doesn't do a more effective job of breaking this stuff down!  It turns out that teeth and chewing really are an important part of digestion!

But I'm getting off track.  Except for bananas, it seems as though most everything else changes very little on it's trip through her intestines and therefore her stool has continued to be the trademark liquid yellow of a breastfed baby.

Yesterday she had spaghetti.  She loved it!  I will post a video in a minute.  It was adorable how she sucked down the noodles!  Angelines, of course, was worried she'd choke and wanted to pull the noodles back out, but I insisted that she leave her be--I am an expert at swallowing whole noodles (see Ramen post from a few weeks back!) and know that there's no harm done so long as it's going down the right pipe.  Sure enough, Em was fine and slurpped down noodle after noodle. :)

It was all fun and games until she went to the bathroom today!  I haven't washed a dirtier diaper in my short experience of cloth diapering.  Talk about full!  I will spare the details...but let's just say I won't be smiling quite so much the next time spaghetti's on the menu.

...But the pictures are pretty cute, right?  This family certainly knows how to have fun with food!

For some reason Bela has begun taking more of an interest in the baby lately... ;)