358 Days

Yesterday Emily was three hundred and fifty eight days old.  Yesterday, for the first time, she began nursing without nipple shields!  I have tried repeatedly and unsuccessfully to wean her from the silly little silicone half moons almost as soon as we began using them.

Emmy was a little baby with a little mouth and I have inverted nipples (TMI for a public forum??).  Anyway, there was no way to get her to latch in the hospital and we even gave her some formula in desperation because she just would not nurse.  Emily was born just before 3 pm, and by 9 pm, we were using the shields.

They have been both a blessing and a curse.  A blessing on the one hand because they have allowed me to nurse these nearly twelve months of her life, and a curse because they are bothersome, messy, embarrassing and just one more thing to remember when you're packing a diaper bag.  They are also apparently quite addictive.  Although I was dead-set on breast-feeding from the very beginning of my pregnancy, being a mom for the first time is full of unknowns and while there are always plenty of people around to give you advice (good and not so good), in the end, it all comes down to you and your self-confidence.  At nine o'clock at night when your newborn is screaming because she's hungry, and yet will not accept the breast you forget all the "shoulds" "shouldn'ts" and "how-tos" and do anything to feed her and calm her down.

Starting when she was just days old I would offer the breast without the shield, pinching and pushing it into a "sandwich" for her to take, squeezing out a few drops of milk to entice her to suck...all to no avail.  On good days she humored me for some time, and on bad days she would immediately start crying for her meal.  People said that I should try it when she wasn't hungry so as not to upset her--when she wanted to eat, obviously she wasn't in the mood for "games".  But when she wasn't hungry, she wasn't interested in the breast at all.  If I took it off after she'd sated her hunger just a bit, she would simply stop nursing before she was really finished.  There was nothing I could do to convice her that her food wasn't coming from that flimsy plastic nipple.  I finally quit insisting.  We were fine: my production seemed to be in step with her needs; she was gaining weight...why sweat it? 

Starting around seven months I started taking off the shield again just to see what she'd do.  This time she would pretend to take the breast in her mouth, then pull away and laugh at me--Oh mom, you're so silly! Don't you know you shouldn't play with your food?.  But they say hope never dies, and I continued occasionally offering the bare breast before putting on the shield thinking that with age she'd out grow this needless crutch. 

It turns out I was right.  My patience and persistence paid off yesterday.  When I offered her the breast she suckled once or twice and let go with her typical grin, but before I could reach the shields to put one on, she'd taken it in her mouth again.  She nursed a few seconds longer this time and I could almost see the little neurons firing in her brain: she was connecting the dots.  The third time she latched on, she stayed on...and it has been a full twenty four hours now with no shields!  I am almost afraid to jinx myself, but I suspect they're gone for good. :)  I am fairly sure that we may have to fall back on them before we kick the habbit completely, but I know now that there is a definite end in sight. 

The shields, as I have said are good and bad.  They certainly have a place: for women with cracked nipples or other sores, they can aid healing before going back to nursing bare; in my case, they gave Emily something to "hold onto"; but they are not an easy habbit to break and they are most annoying at night.  The silicone nipple fills up with milk and when the baby is agitated she'll knock it off and soak clothes or sheets.  I could never simply drift off to sleep when Emily nursed at night because I was constantly worried that she would knock off the shield and either loose it or begin to cry because she hadn't finished eating and wanted more.  Putting them on in the dark is another challenge.  We have slept with a nightlight for the past year--something which is arguably quite bad for a good night's sleep.

Needless to say I am overjoyed to be rid of them.  This is the best birthday gift Emily could have given me!